Product Description Foreword by Stephen R. Covey, Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL
"Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics
A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill
"Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.
Not simply a "theory" book but is filled with fantastic examples and real life dialog.August 31, 2010 chrislott I actually procrastinated before I read this book. I wish I hadn't! It was given to me by our sales star Renee Smith. Her brother is Joseph Grenny. Kerry, Joseph, Ron, and Al have attacked a topic difficult to wrap your arms around. The statement "We're designed wrong. When conversations turn from routine to crucial, we're often in trouble" is extremely insightful. How many times have I had emotions get in the way... embarrassingly many. This is not simply a "theory" book but is filled with fantastic examples and real life dialog. It is so full of information that I recommend a "study" approach going over this resource many times. One of my favorite sections is on "Start with the heart-Get ready to listen.
Great ideas and some great reminders.August 29, 2010 Julie Weight(Springville, Utah USA) This book is an easy read with some great new ideas and a few old ones that serve as a great reminder. I have already told everyone I talk to to pick up this book. It has helped me with my conversations with teachers, family and others. I highly recommend this to anyone wanting to improve on communication. My husband has been listening to the audio version and it has helped him at work as well.
Crucial Book for Everybody.August 25, 2010 Mehmet Gok(Toronto, ON Canada) 2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Why curicial? Because it is all about 3 things in life: Communication, communication, communication. This is a practical book and a must read for anyone.
A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong. People generally choose to at least try to handle this sort of situation as well as they possibly can. Most times, however, they don't do very well at all, for several reasons.
"Physiologically, humans are designed to handle stressful situations with fists and feet (and the related hormones and physical reactions), not intelligence and attentiveness. " Most often these sorts of situations come up spontaneously and out of nowhere, and many people cannot come up with more than a knee-jerk response to them. " Many people simply don't know where to start when dealing with these situations.
The consequences of either avoiding or messing up one's crucial conversations can be quite severe, as every aspect of people's lives can be affected, from the personal (relationships with loved ones, friends and co-members of interest groups, our health) to the professional (careers and the communities people belong). Learning how to face crucial conversations and how to handle them well is also learning how to influence just about every aspect of people's lives.
The free flow of relevant information is central to every successful conversation. The key to success in conversing is being open and honest in expressing opinions, feelings and theories, willingly sharing views even when the ideas in question are controversial or unpopular. This free flow of meaning is known as dialogue.
Each of us enters a conversation with different opinions, feelings, experiences, ideas and theories about the topic being discussed. This combination of thoughts and feelings makes up a personal 'pool of meaning'.
People skilled at dialogue try to make it safe for everyone conversing to bring their inputs out into the open - into a 'shared pool'. As the 'shared pool' is added to, it grows. As this happens, people benefit: as they are exposed to more accurate and relevant information, they make better choices, and people also willingly act on whatever decisions they all make. The pool of shared meaning is the birthplace of synergy.
These dialogue skills are quite easy to spot and moderately easy to learn.
Skilled people always start with heart. They begin high-risk discussions with the right motives and stay focused no matter what happens (they stick to their goals and believe that dialogue, no matter the circumstances, is always an option). - They ask themselves, "What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are?" - Then they ask themselves, "What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?" - And, finally, "How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?" -- They refuse the Sucker's Choice (an either/or choice). - Check to see if you're telling yourself to choose between winning and losing or peace and honesty, for example. - Break free by searching for the "and." - Clarify what you don't want, add that to what you do want, and ask yourself to start looking for healthy options to return to dialogue.
When you get caught up in a crucial conversation, it becomes very difficult to see exactly what's going on and why it's happening. Sometimes, when discussions become stressful, you end up doing the opposite of what works.
To break from this cycle, learn to look: -- At both content and conditions - You can get so caught up in what you're saying (content) that it can be nearly impossible to pull out of the argument to see what's happening to you and to others (conditions). -- For signs that a harmless discussion is transforming into a crucial one - What cues (physical, for example) can you use to recognize that your brain is disengaging and you're moving away from healthy dialogue? -- For safety problems. When it's 'safe', you can say anything; when it's 'unsafe', you start to go blind and can't take feedback. -- To see if others are moving toward silence or violence - Two unhealthy paths: Silence - purposefully withholding information from the conversation; done to avoid potential problems. Three forms: a) Masking - understating or selectively showing true opinions(sarcasm and sugar-coating are examples) b) Avoiding - steering away from sensitive topics c) Withdrawing - pulling out of a conversation altogether Violence - any verbal strategy done to convince, control or compel others to one's point of view. Three forms: a) Controlling - coercing others to your way of thinking b) Labeling - putting tags on people or ideas so they can be dismissed under a general stereotype or category c) Attacking - moving from winning the argument to making the person suffer
Crucial ConversationsAugust 7, 2010 JD 1 out of 1 found this review helpful
The book I bought looked brand new. It also was delivered in a timely manner.
Fantastic book - I purchased another 20 copies for my employeesJuly 23, 2010 chris 1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Fantastic book, after i read it, I purchased another 20 copies for my employees. This has improved our office environment by teaching them how to have difficult conversations effectively. We have many young employees who have not had the experience to gain these crucial skills, and this book cuts to the heart of the problem and provides excellent examples on how to use these new skills. After reading the first three chapters, I used the techniques on my teenager and was floored at his positive response to the problem we were facing. Absolutely amazing.
I would recommend this to anyone who needs to learn communication skills when the stakes are high, or when emotions run hot and things need to get done.
